Dot-Com-Mom: Instant messaging --- The new e-mail

Every night, between dinner, homework, football and guitar practice, my oldest son Jeffrey spends some time hanging out with his friends. Online, that is. Jeffrey, like millions of other kids and teens, is in the grasp of instant messaging. Less intimate than a phone call, but more intimate than traditional e-mail or chat rooms, "instant messaging" -- a high-tech real-time form of conversation -- has exploded as the one of the most popular uses of the Internet today, especially among youth.

Gaining popularity
In fact, IM has exploded as the number-one choice for communication among kids ages 12 to 17, surpassing even e-mail. IM-ing has become so popular that Jupiter Media Metrix has declared it the fastest-growing segment of the Internet. But instant messaging presents its own unique set of risks -- and rules -- to minimize those risks. Luckily, most are just a matter of common "cyber"-sense.

The main, important, numero-uno rule for instant messaging, as in all areas of the Internet, is NEVER give out personal information online. Real name, telephone number and address seem obvious. But sometimes, children need a reminder on what comprises "personal information." Online this includes their age, school name, city, passwords, and parents' full names. It may also include details which could be used to learn their identity, such as teams they play on, clubs they belong to, friends names, etc.

Adults might assume children understand the ramifications of revealing personal information online. However, this isn't always the case. For example, while researching my book recently I discovered that a friend of Jeffrey's actually included her real address in her AOL IM personal profile -- she even explained the quickest route to her house for the whole Internet world to see! When asked why she'd included such possibly dangerous information, she replied, "I just never thought about it that way."

Other IM safety tips to remember

Don't put identifying information in your personal profile. For example, no one could track you down knowing you love the band Creed and your favorite color is purple. On the other hand, armed with your city, school name and jersey number, finding you would be a piece of cake.

Help your children select appropriate screen names. My son has several IM buddies with provocative screen names: "sexy"-this or "blonde"-that. These kids are unintentionally inviting harassment -- or worse. Try to convince your kids to stick with screen names that are age and gender neutral.

Click on the option in your IM program that requires others to get your permission before they can add you to their buddy list.

If you use IM to transfer files such as music and photos, take precautions to avoid viruses and worms.

Take advantage of your IM service's blocking features. For example, users of AOL's Instant Messenger service AIM can "warn" people who are sending them inappropriate messages. Those who get too many warnings are removed from the service. AIM users can also add harassers to their "block list" under the "privacy preference."